Illuminated Shadows
by grilledjellyfish
Summary: After her encounter with 'Pride', Riza tries to endure the shadows and fights for her sanity. Spoilers for Chapters 70 and 71! Royai


Author's rambling: 

Had this idea while thinking about chapters 70 and 71... so yes, it's a tag! And therefor: beware of spoilers for said chapters!!!

Now read on and don't assume it's a hassle for me to read dozens of reviews... I seem to live merely for that exact activity. I am pathetic and am proud of it! -.-'

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The feminine, but firm hand turned the key deftly counterclockwise, the lock springing open with a soft click.  
With a gentle push, the door swung open. A long groan ensued as the hinges protested soundly in the almost absolute silence of the small apartment building.

It was already past midnight and most of her neighbours were fast asleep.

A soft bumping noise echoed through the complex as the door banged against the wall and with a pang of irritation, Riza stepped into the hallway of her refuge, obsidian orbs wandering around the simple interior in nervous alert.

Darkness reigned all around her, the only light coming from the kitchen window at the end of the corridor. The table was bathed eerily in a rectangle of whiteness, the full moon outside the only source of illumination right then.

She felt like she had just stepped into the open maw of a giant worm.

The feeling of unease made her stomach tighten and against her better judgment, Riza's arm extended hastily to the right wall, her finger throwing a small switch imbedded in between tiny roses. She disliked the old and wrinked wallpaper, but had yet to find some time to change it for the standard white.  
The naked bulb sprang to life and instantly, brightness washed over her and Hawkeye had to blink her eyes against the sudden assault of her senses.

As she closed the door behind her, she couldn't prevent the shudder from running down her spine, causing goose bumps to rise across her smooth skin as the dark shadows disappeared out of her sight.

Wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue, Riza turned back towards the kitchen entrance and inhaled once deeply, the knot in her guts making her squirm.

She had to stay calm.

She had to collect herself again.

She had to get rid of the shadows.

In an unexpected surge of desperate bravery, Riza rushed into the kitchen, methodically switching on every light she could find. Within seconds, the small room was alight, leaving the 1st Lieutenant standing motionlessly in front of the clean counter. Her chest was heaving faster than normal, giving testimony to the amounts of adrenaline pumping through her vains.

Her eyes flickered from one dark corner of the room to the window. Then to the shadow under the table and to the potted flower on the shelf, throwing its dark shape against the wall.

Suddenly, something pressed into her shin and startled, Riza gazed down at the black and white dog standing on its hind paws. Hayate was using her leg as leverage, staring up at her with expectant round eyes.

Gulping down the lump in her throat, Riza felt her knees buckle under her weight and with a strained sigh, she slid down the front of the counter. She sat ghostly still on the linoleum floor, knees drawn under her chin as she patted the head of her small comrade absentmindedly.

She should go to bed.  
Maybe get something quick to eat. Some toast. Or simply muesli.

She had to get up early tomorrow and deliver some urgent letters to some higher brass members and then there was the schedule of the Führer to take care of.

Shuddering, Riza closed her eyes for a second, forcing her pulse to slow down again.  
She bit her lip, jarring the fresh cut on her right cheek in the process. The thin laceration stung like any average paper cut and Riza wasn't the type of woman to go into fits over such a profane injury. She had endured far worse in her time in the military.

And yet she felt violated.  
This hurt far deeper than any knife could have cut.

The shadows were everywhere. Crouching formless in corners and coating walls and furniture in a dark glazing. Ghouls waiting for their next victim.

Riza Hawkeye wasn't afraid of the dark.

Even in her childhood, alone in the grand mansion of her family. Not even then had she ever admitted fear for such stupid things as loneliness or darkness. She was strong and fears were nipped in the bud.

'I will torture them...'  
Slinging her arms around herself, Riza's grip on her upper arms tightened the slightest bit. That 'thing' had threatened her. Not with her own death or pain. It had threatened her with the lives of the only people she called close friends.

She was being watched. Followed.  
24/7 under complete surveillance.

There was no way she could tell the Colonel what they were up against. She couldn't tell him to be careful without risking his plans and his very life. She had vowed to protect him, no matter what, but now, she found herself unable to do the simplest thing.

She was useless.

A humorless chuckle escaped her lips at the irony of her own reasoning, her mind imagining the Colonel making an arrogant, flippant comment about how they had changed sides.

The Colonel...

Sighing defiantly, Riza pushed herself up from the cool floor and stared at the shadow under her table for a long moment.  
She almost feared, a dark tentacle would crawl out from underneath a chair, creeping up her leg and crawling across her skin. Riza could still feel the pressure around her neck, the suffocating tightness and the blank horror.

With a shake of her head, the young woman walked away from the counter and into the bathroom.

On her way, another four lights were switched on, the complete apartment brighter than during the sunniest days. Even that hideous lava lamp, Havoc had given her on her last birthday, stood proudly on the floor in the corner of her living room, bathing a small space in bright pink.

Still, the feeling of not being alone invaded her senses, controlling her every move and filling her thoughts to the point where Riza couldn't even remember what she normally did after brushing her teeth.

Somehow, she was glad, she couldn't tell the Colonel.  
He had other things to take care of. Had other problems to despair over.

A sudden, unexpected prickling at the back of her eyes caught her off guard and hastily, Riza turned away from the tired, frightened image staring back at her through the mirror. She swept a clammy palm across her features and walked out of the small bathroom.

The light stayed on behind her as she headed for her bedroom door. Just like all the other lights. Like islands within a world engulfed in the darkest mix of fears and threats.

Her hand closed tentatively around the iron handle and froze.

Was he safe? What if that thing had already done something to him? Maybe she should just check in on him and make sure he was still alive.

The hair at the nape of her neck rose and the strange pressure she had felt some hours ago pressd into her back. Like a giant hand trying to push her forcefully forward and in an instant, she knew any action would result in the one thing she dreaded more than death, pain, torture and solitude.

A shaking hand pressed down the handle and pushed open the wooden door, revealing a small room painted in black and grey.

She dimly felt Hayate, her faithful comrade, rush past her.

Her reddish eyes fell on the lonely bed, and again only the rectangle of fading moonlight dared to illuminate the darkness surrounding her in an overwhelming, frightening amount.

Her arm lifted again, her finger poised over the switch at the side.It hovered there for a very long moment, when finally, Riza decided to give up. Her arm fell limply by her side, the light -safety- out of reach for her.

What sense did it make to fight the only thing she couldn't shoot?  
She couldn't protect him.

Again a lump rose in her constricting throat and with a surge of anger, Riza walked to her bed.

What she found there, made her stop dead.  
For what seemed like an eternity, she stared at the thing that had caught her full attention and had forced every thought of fear, anger and regret to flee her mind.

Carefully, she extended her hand towards a slight dip in the normally absolutely accurate sheets at the corner of her bed. She caressed the soft material almost longingly, trying to feel the warmth of the body that had once been sitting there.

But it had probably already been hours, all the evidence of him having vanished with time, except for the impression on the sheets.

As her burning eyes wandered across the quilt, they came to rest on a bouquet of beautiful flowers.  
Slowly, she picked them up, bringing them close to her nose. Inhaling deeply, Riza succumbed for the fraction of a second to the feeling of security.

With the bouquet still grasped tightly in her hands, the young Lieutenant sat down heavily on her bed right beside the wrinkled dip. The moonlight filtered in through the small window, falling directly onto her back. Her own shadow appeared on the floor in front of her, staring up into her partly concealed face.

As she turned the flowers around in her hands, Riza suddenly noticed a small sheet of white paper clasped around the stem of one lily. Carefully, she tugged it out from between the leaves and turned it into the moonlight.

A rueful smile appeared on her quivering lips as she allowed the paper to fall out of her tired hands.

Salty tears cascaded down her cheeks, when finally, her walls crumbled.  
She was brave, for God's sake! She was brave for 'him'! So why was she crying?

'Don't give up.', the letter read simply.

The flowers fell into her lap as sobs, she had suppressed for so many years, ragged her body.

"How could I ever give up, Roy?"

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Finis!

What did the Colonel do with all those flowers anyway?! He should have given her the bouquets straight away, carry her away into another country and make lots of babies with her! Right?!

Hope ya liked it a tiny lil bit! Reviews are welcome and devoured greedily.


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